When people find out you're pregnant they love to give you advice, share their own experiences and put in their two cents.
That can be great but it can also be really annoying!
One of the things you may be 'advised on' is what books to read, what professional advice you should be following, not to breastfeed for 'too long', let your baby cry it out, don't ever put your baby down, how parent's nowadays do it 'wrong' or how our parents did it 'wrong', and on and on and on...
If you feel able to it can be a good area to set boundaries in, whether that's asking people not to put their own trauma on you in the build up to your birth, or whether you have a quiet word with yourself to say that you're not going to take their, sometimes extreme, opinions to heart. Every parent and family does things differently and most of them think their way is right. That's not your problem, it's theirs.
The trauma sharing is a big one. Unfortunately many people have had difficult, traumatic births and when they hear that you're pregnant they will want to share their own experiences with you. They don't usually do this to scare you or cause you distress, it's a natural human response to want to share these things.
However, that paired with the negative (often horror-like) depictions of birth we see in the media paints a frightening picture for parents-to-be.
Yes, sometimes things happen during birth that are traumatic and scary but birth can also be a beautiful, positive experience. There are so many positive birth stories out there and I implore you to read them. One book filled with positive stories (even when things deviated from what the parents initially hoped for), is Ina May's Guide To Childbirth - if you haven't already give it a read, it will change the way you think about things! Social media is another great tool where you can find positive birth stories and videos that will show you a different side to the one we grew up seeing.
The problem with these fear-inducing stories is that when we fear birth intensely, it can make things more difficult. Oxytocin levels can drop, adrenaline can kick in, stress levels shoot up and labour can slow.
If you're able to approach things with more of a sense of calm then the oxytocin will flow, it will help you in that final pushing stage and you will feel less stressed.
So... Set those boundaries and surround yourself with as many positive, encouraging stories as possible.
If all else fails and the 100th person has just told you to breastfeed but not for too long and to use diapers but not the sustainable kind and to leave baby to cry all night long, you can always tell them to 'sod off'😉
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